Happy Boxing Day! from America's Great Companies

USPS:
It is with our greatest pleasure that we wish you and your family a very happy Boxing Day! We know you may have a lot of questions for us, so let's answer them upfront:

Q: Why would the United States Postal Service be wishing anyone well on a holiday that is not typically celebrated in the United States?
A: Great question! We at the USPS are looking to start a campaign that celebrates more universal festive days. And what could be more festive than a holiday celebrated in the United Kingdom, Australia, and Canada?
Q: Is this merely a promotional gimmick?
A: Of course not! The USPS is dedicated to providing great customer service and if that means acknowledging other cultures' holidays, we're more than happy to oblige. We're also happy to remind you of our Flat Rate boxes—if it fits, it ships!
Q: Are there any special deals that come with mailing something on Boxing Day?
A: We cannot offer reduced rates at this time.
Q: Do your employees get this new holiday off?
A: No.
Q: Does the awful and possibly privacy-invasive service of email celebrate Boxing Day? Or is it still the cold, heartless fad without any concern for anything outside itself or stamps?
A: No. And yes.

See? As a firm believer in respecting other cultures, the USPS recognizes that there is a world far outside of our typical sphere. We want to encourage our (dwindling) customers to celebrate Boxing Day any way they want. Might we suggest sending a package? Nothing says “Let's celebrate the day after Christmas” like a big box of stuff. Doesn't matter what. Doesn't matter to whom. All that matters is that you use the United States Postal Service to ship it.



Pay-Per-View:
Two men enter! One man leaves! Thousands of men watch!

The big fight is happening, and only on Pay-Per-View! Watch as the two heavyweight champions of the world exchange fists in the most brutal match of the year!

Anywhere else, and this would be considered assault! Only here, where adults are paid millions of dollars to beat the shit out of other adults, is it totally legal! You can't get this anywhere else!

This is a once-in-a-lifetime fight and it's happening on December 26^th! Celebrate the day with two men debating with their fists, because debating with words is for pussies!

Holy shit! I just got it! I just realized why this is a big deal! It's Boxing Day! Like, Boxing/boxing! The guys are fighting each other, and it's on a holiday called Boxing Day! Whoa!

Whoever put this event together should get an award or something! Or what if they didn't know?! What a crazy coincidence that would be! Huh...

Tune in at 9!


Classical Composer Figurine Company:
The sweet, poetic sounds of Johann Sebastian Bach are timeless. Much like Frank Sinatra and Christmas, classical music has been a staple when it comes to Boxing Day for centuries. And what better way to commemorate the occasion by showing someone you care with a 1/10 scale replica of a classical composer? Give your loved one a figurine they'll cherish forever. Maybe a Beethoven? A Bach? Better yet, make it two. Yes, two Bachs.

We'll even package your figurines and send them to you, set to arrive the day after Christmas. Two Bachs in a box on Boxing Day? What could be better?

Relive the beauty of Violin Sonata No. 1 in G Major with multiple Johann dolls added to your collection. It makes perfect sense: acknowledging the life of a German composer during a holiday celebrated in select African countries and other random Commonwealth states.

We're glad you chose us for such a special day. We'll get your box of Bachs ready.