In my defense, maybe you don't know what “retard” means | By Ann Coulter

I know what you're thinking. I've been looking at all of the press I've generated from my tweet last night, calling President Barack Obama a "retard." People have been saying that my tweet was irresponsible, that I am simply an instigator for unnecessary controversy, and that I am a cuntwhore hellbent on destroying American liberties (their words, mostly).

Nothing could be further from the truth.

Let me be clear: I was not simply looking for attention—I meant everything I said.

In other words, I firmly believe the President of the United States is retarded. He is a retard and is retarded. I mean this using the most lexical definition possible, specifically that I don't really like Barack Obama and think he's a little weird. (I mean, birth certificate, amiright?!)

That's what "retard" means, people! I didn't mean it derogatorily towards mentally-handicapped individuals; that would be insensitive. What I could have done, possibly, is call "No-bama" (hahahaha!) what conservatives have been saying for this entire election: "an inept political figure with bad ideas and a deplorable track record." Trust me, I'm Ann Coulter; I know all about that subject. However, Twitter has an unfortunate 140-character limit, and as we all know, "retard" just rolls off the tongue better.

I don't agree with my detractors who say that "retard" is offensive. In fact, I'm a little confused. Who would be offended by the word "retard." I mean, besides retarded people, obviously. It means "stupid," which is exactly what the President is. He's so stupid that he probably doesn't know big words, such as "compassion," "solace," or "empathy." I'm still working on learning what these words mean myself, so the President has got to be completely clueless!

Hold on, I'm getting a call from the Westboro Baptist Church. Aw, they wish to congratulate me on such an insightful tweet. What gentlemen...

Anyways, let's rewind the clocks for a second, back to 2007 when I called John Edwards a faggot. (Well, I didn't actually call him a "faggot," but I alluded to the fact that I was thinking it.) This is pretty much the same thing, and I'll say what I told the press then on Hannity & Colmes: "'Faggot' isn't offensive to gays; it has nothing to do with gays. It's a schoolyard taunt meaning 'wuss.'" Just because "the gays" have been called "faggots" for centuries doesn't mean that my usage of the word was in reference to the disease of homosexuality. I was using it like a child uses it, as I suspect my logistical cognizance has not matured since the third grade.

So to any of my followers who may have thought I went the teensiest bit too far, I want to assure you that I know exactly what I'm doing. In the coming years—nay, hours!—this nation will see that I was correct in my usage and my attackers will see the retarded error or their ways.

Until then, I could use a hug. God knows I've never been loved before.

Ann Coulter is a columnist and political commentator who should be ashamed of herself (for a lot of things she's said).