Shark Week 2011 (Day 4)

SHARK FACT: Female sharks can get pregnant without a male shark.  It seems that the feminists sharks have finally gotten what they wanted, because they don't need men for anything anymore: food, financial stability, and now reproduction.

The implications of this rare phenomenon, also called parthenogenesis, are huge:

1. Accidental shark rape convictions happen every day.

This week: a story ripped straight from the headlines.  Only on "Law & Order: Shark Rape Unit."

2. There are some depressed, demasculated shark bros swimming around the ocean, feeling worthless.

3. Two words: Shark Jesus.

Photo taken just moments before his miracle of walking on water.  Tragic.

I mean, let's think about that last one for a second.  If virgin shark births are possible, could we have some great white Christs under the surface of the Pacific?  Let's hope so, because that whole water-to-wine miracle would make Deadliest Catch at least three times as entertaining.